jseko : jokes in no particular order

I originally posted this as “Jokes, in random order” to avoid giving the idea that one is/was better that the other.   Given that I am learning JS (JavaScript), I decided to write a snippet of code to determine the order of the jokes, and so I started with the word “jokes” to test the code.   The first successful scalable word/string and array scrambler made by me, produced j-seko, a word that sounds awesome when you are going to Mitch Hedberg someone.   Code is here below, followed by jokes, with better functionality and sortation as I write the code:

var string = prompt("String?");                 //Asks the User for a string to scramble
var stringArray = [];							    //stores the string in an array
var rArray = [];							    // an array with the string stored scrambled
var jArray = ["j1", "j2", "j3", "j4", "j5"];    // an Array of jokes
jArrayLength = jArray.length;                   // first jArray length
var newString = "";							    // string scrambled into a new string
var newJArray = [];                             //a scrambled array of jokes

function jokes() {
	for (var i = 0 ; i < string.length ; i++) {
		stringArray.push(string.charAt(i));
	}
	for (var j = 0 ; j < string.length ; j++) {
		var rndom = Math.floor(Math.random()*(stringArray.length));
		rArray.push(stringArray[rndom]);
		stringArray.splice(rndom, 1);
	}
	for (var k = 0 ; k < rArray.length ; k++) {
		newString += rArray[k];
	}
    for(var l = 0 ; l < jArrayLength ; l++) {
        var rndm = Math.floor(Math.random()*(jArray.length));
        newJArray.push(jArray[rndm]);
        jArray.splice(rndm,1);
    }
	console.log(newJArray);
	console.log(newString);
}

jokes();

– What do you call an Alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
A: A snappy dresser
– What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: BREATHE!!
– What did the purple grape say to the green grape?
A: Nothing, s/he couldn’t!
– How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: Ten Tickles!
– Why was 6 afraid 7?
A: Because 7 8 9!
A: Because 6 was a registered Six Offender.
Why do we seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be called bagels!
How do you make an egg roll?
A: You push it?
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
A: Look Grandpa! No hands!
– Roses are red, Violets are blue. Oh wait, no they’re not, They’re violet.
– Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I am a dog.
– Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am bad at rhyming, Refrigerator.
– What is the difference between a blue fridge falling of a cliff, and a yellow one?
A: The yellow one isn’t falling of a cliff
A: The blue fridge is an appliance and the yellow one is a number
– When is a door not a door?
A: When it is a jar.
– What is green and has four wheels?
A: Grass, silly! I was just kidding about the wheels.
*Requires a specific cadence to make authentic and appealing*
– What is a pirate’s favorite letter (of the alphabet)?
Typical response: “Rrrrrr”
A: Oh you think it’s the Rrrrrr, but it’s really the Ceeeee.
– What is the difference between a blue fridge falling of a cliff, and a yellow one?
A: The yellow one isn’t falling of a cliff
A: The blue fridge is an appliance and the yellow one is a number
– Why did the baby cookie cry?
A: Because his mother was a wafer so long.
– What goes zzub zzub?
A: A bee flying backwards
– If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving’s not for you.
– If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
– At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog/cat that they are adopted?
– At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted? – Zach Galifianakis
– Boycott shampoo! Demand the real poo! -Stephen Wright
– Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
– A magician was driving down the road when suddenly he turned into a driveway.
– Got any figs?
Response: No?
Reply: How about a date then?
– I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.
– And then there was the agnostic dyslexic insomniac who stayed up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
– Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a cool opotamus?
– Have you seen the elephant hiding?
A: Of course not, he’s hiding.
– Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.
– I entered 10 puns into a joke contest hoping one would win. No pun in ten did.
– I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
– Hedgehogs, why can’t they just share the hedge?
– Venison’s dear isn’t it?
– War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
-What’s brown and sticky?
A: A stick!
– I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.
– Where does the three-legged horse live?
A: In the unstable.
– I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
– When is a lumberjack’s birthday?
A: SepTIMBERRRRRRRR!
– A one-armed guy goes to a 2nd-hand shop.
– Two wrongs don’t make a right but three lefts do.
– Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
A: Ba-dun TSSH
– I farted in an elevator once, it was wrong on so many levels.
– I saw a stationary store moves.
– Politics.
– “What’s up?”
A: A two letter word.
– I’m hardly ever wrong. Except this one time, when I thought I was wrong, but I was wrong.
– The early bird may catch the worm, but it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese.
– The advantage of easy origami is two-folded.
– I know a great knock-knock joke, but you have to start.
– Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have. – Steven Wright
– A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bartender here?”
– Saw a man in a field tending to a little more than 3 sheep. Thought to myself “shepherd’s pi”.
– Portholes are round so that if they break, water doesn’t hit you square in the face.
– Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
A: The heat was in tents!
– If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
– There’s no silent p in swimming.
– I’m so bright my mom calls me “son”.
– A rubber band pistol was confiscated in algebra class; it was a weapon of math disruption.
*Requires a specific cadence to make authentic and appealing*
– A 3-legged dog hops into a saloon and proclaims, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
– My friends and I were playing poker with a giant set of cards. It was kind of a big deal.
– Knock, knock.
A: Come in!
– “Did I already do my deja vu joke?” – Stewart Francis
– Corduroy pillows….they’re making headlines all over the world.
– I fought a bear with a knife once.
The bear had the knife.
– I used to play sports. Then I realized you could BUY trophies. Now I’m good at everything. – Demetri Martin
– I didn’t like my haircut at first, but it’s growing on me.
– “Snakes dont have arms, thats why they don’t wear vests.”
– Toilet Stolen: Police have nothing to go on.
– When I found out the toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.
– I needed a password with eight characters, so I chose Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
– Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
– What is it about being blind, that makes you walk the dog all the time?
– I have a cat in my pocket… Just kitten.
– It’s a small world but I wouldn’t want to paint it.
– Plate of spaghetti walks up to a bar, bartender says “we don’t serve food here.”
– Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
– “If i had a dollar for every brain you didn’t have, I’d have one dollar” -squidword
– Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
– You’re going to have to start calling me “butter” because I’m on a roll.
– what do you call someone who dosent fart in public? a private tooter
– I used to work in a calendar factory but I got fired for taking a few days off.
– I used to work in an orange juice factory but I got fired because I couldn’t concentrate.
– A good pun is it’s own reword.
– The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.
– What’s invisible and smells like a carrot?
A: A rabbit’s toot.
– I quit my job at the helium balloon factory, I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
– Two peanuts are walking down the street. One was a salted.
– I have a CD Burner…my fireplace.
– It’s one of those situations where you thought it was a booger, but it snot.
– Cut that pizza into 4 slices… I’m not hungry enough to eat 6.
– I used to play the trombone, but I’ve let it slide.
– Where there’s a will, there are relatives.
– A well done medium steak is rare.
– Why did Snoop Dogg buy an umbrella?
A: ForDrizzle
– System.out.print(“Best one-liner”);
– 1: Have you seen my henlay?
2: Whats a Henlay?
1: Eggs!
– 1: Do you know where I can get some snoo?
2: What’s snoo?
1: Oh nothing much. What new with you?
– 1: Have you seen my updog?
2: What is updog?
1: Oh nothing much. What new with you?

 

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